Ballad of the Pews
Here in this pew I sit and I wonder
Where all the reverence of worship has gone?
The people around me all chatter like bluejays
Heretical "Sing a New Church" is the opening song.
Why have our hymns been replaced with bad show-tunes?
Why come to church just to sing about 'me'?
Why don't we sing hymns both lovely and pious
(Why do 53-times we sing "God" and not "He")?
Here in this pew I hear banal lyrics
Of the sort that the Muppets might sing on TV
I request something reverent, hope for the glori'os
But all the director will say is "we'll see…"
Why must we sing this Haugen-Haas garbage
Why must we suffer this dumb song again?
Over two thousand years of awesome tradition
Flushed down the commode by the previous gen!
Here in this pew I suffer in silence
Surely this song must soon come to an end
But another will come and a worse one will follow
Dear Lord, Let us please sing chant once again!