Monday, January 01, 2007

A Fantasy Bulletin Notice

I love our pastor and our parochial vicar, both hard-working orthodox priests. Every parish could use a little tightening up, though, and so I am tempted to adapt this to my church and put these in the bulletins some week.

In an attempt to restore the sacredness to the Holy Mass, and piety to the people, the following changes will be implemented immediately at [insert name here] Parish:

Sacred Silence is prescribed for 15 minutes before and after every Mass. Please refrain from socializing in front of the Blessed Sacrament. You are encouraged to spend this time in prayer, in preparation for the Mass and in thanksgiving to God.

Effective immediately, [insert name here] Parish will no longer be allowing girls to altar serve. Since altar serving is traditionally a stepping stone to the priesthood, only boys will be encouraged to serve.

Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion are no longer required. The priest will be distributing Communion, and even though this may take a few moments longer, your cooperation is requested.

Applause is not encouraged, nor will it be tolerated during the Mass. If you wish to acknowledge another person's achievements, please do so privately after Mass.

Please refrain from visiting the sacristy prior to Mass, as the priest needs to spend some moments in prayer as he vests for the Mass.

Parishioners will notice a change to the choir in the coming weeks. We will be singing more Latin hymns, with special emphasis on sacred songs that reflect the Divine Mysteries of the Mass. Only an organ will be used for musical accompaniment. Anyone wishing to learn Gregorian Chant, please see the choir director after Mass.

We are looking for volunteers to re-install the communion rails and the kneelers. If you can help with this, please see Father to sign up.

hat tip to Salve Regina...


Dust I Am said...

You must have a very brave pastor to allow all of this in a single bulletin. Gradualism over many months will get most, but not all, of the parishioners on board.

Anonymous said...

Eh, Dust, that's why it's a fantasy bulletin. ;)

Lynne, I would LOVE to see those put into action. Especially the bit where people feel the need to chatter before Mass starts. I can't even tell you how much restraint I had to exert not to turn around and shush people just before Midnight Mass on Christmas Eve. You'd have thought they were at a pub, not in church.

Lynne said...

Yes, unfortunately, this is a fantasy. At a daily Mass, a few weeks ago, one of our priests actually went over to one of the parishioners before the Mass began to ask her to lower her voice. The daily Mass is in a small chapel and the noise really carries.

At the 7:30 am Mass, I wish the organist and the cantor would practice in the lower church... I'm sure they don't realize that it may be a little disturbing to some of us who are trying to pray.

Anonymous said...

Since I am our parish bulletin "editor", I would just love to put this in our bulletin, but I'm afraid the majority of the parishioners and the pastor would not look kindly upon such instructions. A few years ago I did print a piece on arriving late, wearing shorts and finding a seat instead of standing in the back of church and/or sitting on the choir loft stairs.

paramedicgirl said...

I'm glad you liked my fantasy bulletin, Lynne. It was certainly fun to dream it up! If only my parish would adopt it...

God Bless.

Lynne said...

I may just print this out and ask my pastor if we could put it in the bulletin...maybe for the week of April 1st?! I bet there are those who wouldn't find it funny, though. lol

paramedicgirl said...

I was tempted too. I love a practical joke. But then I would have to go to confession and hear the priest yell at me!